so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
