I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
