I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
