it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
