forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
