Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
