I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The Olympian is in my bed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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