why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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