i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
