it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
50% drunk capacity currently
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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