he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
