The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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