I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
