He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize