Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
