I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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