i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
