stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
