who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
