This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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