I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
