I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
