The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
