By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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