I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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