i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
