did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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