Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
