Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
