You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
