We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
