I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
