Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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