She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
