I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
