o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
