How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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