so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize