I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
