Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
