I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
