I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
