do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have fence marks all over my body
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
