and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
