she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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