I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
