his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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