pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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