That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
