Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
