I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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