You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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