Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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