Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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