i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
