I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
