if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
