this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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