Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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