One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
