i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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