if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
