things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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