I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
