Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
