Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
