...so i touched it.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
