this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
