you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize