True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
