One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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