That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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