You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
