Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
